Friday, March 03, 2006

Fear

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. –Franklin Delano Roosevelt

I fear I have a lot more to fear than fear itself.

I fear how much I want to speak out, and be seen.

I fear that no one will want to listen, or see.

I fear that you wouldn’t like me, if you knew me.

I fear that I wouldn’t like me, if I knew me.

I fear that Madam is the only baby in the world that doesn’t need to sleep.

I fear that this will cause a backlog of headaches, which will finally cause my head to explode and spew gore all over our generic apartment white walls.

This place could use some color.

I fear that with sleep deprivation, a sense of humor is the first thing to go.

I fear that one morning I'll wake up and find TEG merged with his computer.

I fear that it wouldn't make much of a difference in my life.

I fear that makes me a bad wife/mom/role model.

I fear that I do look fat in those new pants, and everyone is just too kind to tell me.

I fear that I prefer not to know.

I fear that I am over the hill or possibly under the hill.

I fear that I missed the hill entirely.

I fear that I will never find my great, good place.

I fear that this is as good as it gets.

I fear that I’ve used up my life allotment of words, rendering me mute at 32.

I fear that I've wasted them all.

I fear that I am only trying to impress you.

I fear that I will fail.

I fear that I am inappropriate.

OK, no I don’t.

I fear that I’m exactly as smart as I think I am.

That one is not good either way.

I fear that I don’t have what it takes.

I fear that I don’t know what “it” is.

Perhaps I should get President Clinton to explain it to me.

I fear I might as well face it, I’m addicted to love.

I fear how much I need to open myself up.

I fear that it will never be the "right time."

I fear that it is already too late.

I fear that all I will do is fear.

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6 Comments:

Blogger M said...

So good to hear someone else has fears! It's my first time on your site, love it already! So much you say sounds like what's going on in my own head...bit weird really. I'll definitely be back. Hope you're getting the chance to write like you want to.

5:26 PM, March 03, 2006  
Blogger Bohemian Girl said...

sending a warm hug to you.

brave to put your fears out there and perhaps in the act of doing so, more and more will dissipate.

we all have fears...but it is a beautiful thing to be aware of them and speak our truth about them.

i honor you for doing this.

2:25 PM, March 04, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain." -- Mark Twain


Sounds silly, but it's expressed in different ways by different people, probably because it's fundamentally true. Recognizing reality is the first step in a long journey toward creating a new one. Congratulations!

12:28 AM, March 05, 2006  
Anonymous jennifer wells said...

thank you for being so honest about fear. for swirly's (www.swirlygirl.com) second 52 figments promt I identified my theme for 2006 as "getting to know and being courteous to my fears" (this is not my own original idea)...when I remember that this is my theme (which I often forget), this works pretty well. for one particular, never ending, been there since childhood fear, I ackowledged it and thanked this fear for honoring the very real and valid emotions that are a part of my life and the event that created it. I said I needed to do some other work, that I promised to stop trying to eliminate it (i'd written an entire memoir about it for a grad thesis and that didn't get rid of it)...that it could sort of hang out quietly if it wanted to. Since then, I really have experienced a significant decrease in this particular fear.

it's a huge huge thing to be able to identify the things that scare you, as you do here. i wish for you whatever you need/whatever will help you with this list.

jennifer

12:26 PM, March 05, 2006  
Blogger Mardougrrl said...

Thanks so much to everyone for their comments. And I love that Mark Twain quote, Anon!

It's strange...putting this list out there, taking it out of my head, really helped me think about it objectively and start to question the sense of it all.

And Jennifer--Dealing with my fear...either by making friends with it or learning to just live in spite of it--is also my goal for 2006. Starting this blog (something I was TERRIFIED to do) is a first step. :)

3:12 PM, March 06, 2006  
Blogger Yummyteece said...

One of the first possibilities i ever created for myself (and thus for the universe) was the possibility of "Courageous Passions". Courage is when you feel the fear, and you move forward anyway, so Courageous passions is acknowledging fear, but stomping right past it to claim what you love. I think you ahve done this here, with this wonderful post, and this insightful and inspirational blog. NICE JOB!

PS the bit about your head exploding and providing much needed color on your walls... still has me chuckling. *grin*

4:33 PM, March 08, 2006  

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