Friday, September 08, 2006

Fall brings energy without direction

Pretty picture from my alma mater.

Well, I had a brilliant post all written up, but Madam chose to shut my machine down and alas, the post explaining the meaning of life has been lost to the ether of hyperspace.

All right, I suppose it probably wasn’t that brilliant, but I really wanted to post something before I left for the East Coast tomorrow. My MIL had a bit of a cardiac scare, so we’re going to make sure she’s fine and hearty.

It’s definitely beginning to feel like Fall here, and my mind is full of plans and lists and self-made curricula—I’m an eternal scholar, after all. I want to read the world—I catch myself staring at people as they walk by, imagining dark mysteries and passionate doomed love affairs and valiant heroic quests for them. My shelves are overflowing with books I am dying to read, and I am racing to devour them before the library claims them. I want to eat the world, put it in my mouth with both hands. And I am officially the last blogger to get her hands on Eat, Pray, Love—what can I say? There are a slew of people in Minneapolis with a library card looking for enlightenment.

Fall brings with it another mania—I want to talk, want to write, want to communicate something (but what?) desperately. Words crowd behind my eyelids, push past my lips, unspool like ribbons down my chin. But it’s an urge to babble without necessarily having anything deep to say. So I walk in a cloud of language without meaning. I suppose as the leaves change, my thinking will become more disciplined, and this relentless pressure will find some sort of a focus. I hope so, anyway.

The latest victim of my logorrhea was Jessie, who by the way is much more charming, wise, and cool than she comes across in her blog (which is a feat, since her blog is also charming, wise, and cool). And, she has fantastic hair. I managed to bribe Madam with a stream of Cherrios and fruit and water and yoghurt, and she was generous with her good behavior while Jessie and I had coffee and chatted. It was wonderful to talk to someone who was over three feet tall and could talk back. I was practically at the point of buttonholing strangers to talk about "cabbages and kings."

Alas, so many words, and yet the poetry muse has refused to visit to me. Unlike prose, which can be wooed with a moment or two of silence and reflection, poetry seems to come almost as a visitation. I suppose I should be grateful she comes at all...I never wrote poetry until I started blogging. But it’s certainly making me a bad Poetry Thursday participant.

However, the List-making Muse is happy to take her place, so here is a completely impromptu list of things I’d like to try in the next two weeks or so.

1) Read Eat, Pray, Love
2) Actually PULL OUT my novel and face it
3) Plot out a story with Beansprout
4) Get back on track with my mirror mediation

Even though I’ve been remiss with my mirror meditations of late, I still feel the effects—a sense that most dilemmas in my life can be solved by a simple question—does this make me like myself more or less? A sense of wooing myself—a realization that I actually do like myself most of the time, especially when I’m not viewing myself through the eyes of society, or TEG, or my family. And a feeling that maybe my values are worthy, even if they are not affirmed by mainstream society. And knowing that I don’t mind that, after all.

I hope I can find enough time nibbles (and imaginative prowess) to write something for Sunday Scribblings on my travels. If not, hopefully I’ll get to feast at your tables.

Have a wonderful weekend.



Blogger M said...

So happy to see you are feeling inspired and getting swept away with your words! I've missed you too! I've been feeling a bit disconnected from my blog community since I'm not allowed to be online at work as much anymore, but I love coming here to see what you are up to. I wish we could go out for coffee and I could get to meet Madam! One day, when you come to Vancouver, ok?!
Good luck with it all. I too love fall and all the promise it seems to bring. Will email soon!

5:10 PM, September 08, 2006  
Anonymous beansprout said...

Hope you have a great trip. I am so looking forward to plotting out a story with you. Be well.

6:57 PM, September 08, 2006  
Blogger deirdre said...

There's so much here I want to comment on. You're not the last blogger to read the book, nope, that would be me. Still haven't gotten my hands on a copy. I love the paragraph about words - crowding behind your eyelids, unspooling like ribbons. Oh, yum.
How great that you and Jessie got to meet. She's one of my favorites too. Hope the MIL is doing well. And that you write us wonderful stories when you come home.

10:57 PM, September 08, 2006  
Anonymous Fern said...

"I want to eat the world, put it in my mouth with both hands"

That's such a wonderful feeling to have. Enjoy it, savor it, use it!

I know you'll have a great fall...keep us updated!

11:01 PM, September 08, 2006  
Blogger rachel said...

To be so inspired and wordy is a great feeling. I hope MIL is ok and you had good wkend.

9:55 PM, September 09, 2006  
Blogger Jessie said...

"charming, wise, and cool"...i'm not so sure about that (but thanks for the compliment anyway)! :)- oh man, it was so good to hang out with you and an incredibly well behaved madame (what a little beauty)! and btw, if you feel like you have logorrhea, then i do too...and my theory is that if we both have it, then we balance each other out. :) we talked because we had a lot to say...and mardougrrl, i must say that i enjoyed it completely!

i don't mean to stretch this comment out into forever, but I love the way you've said this:
"I want to read the world—I catch myself staring at people as they walk by, imagining dark mysteries and passionate doomed love affairs and valiant heroic quests for them."

i also find myself often imagining the interior of strangers lives. maybe it's being in a new city, trying to make sense of the people that live here...but i find endless facination in watching people do even the most insignificant of things. your writing expresses these thoughts with passion and clarity.
"I want to eat the world, put it in my mouth with both hands." whew! i love it!

10:56 PM, September 09, 2006  
Blogger Shannon E. said...

Girl your writing takes my breath away. Keep it up. Much love.

Formerly Sentimentalbutcrazy-Momma's on the Edge

10:48 AM, September 10, 2006  
Blogger megg said...

That really smacked me in the face today... "I still feel the effects—a sense that most dilemmas in my life can be solved by a simple question— does this make me like myself more or less?"

I've never heard it put that way before... I think I am going to try to live with that question this week. You've shaken me up a bit - thank you!!

2:51 PM, September 10, 2006  
Blogger Emmie (Better Make It A Double) said...

It's wonderful to hear that you are feeling full of words. Funny how that works - I'm not sure I'll ever uderstand my own creative process, much less someone else's. A lovely testimony, in any case, that it comes and goes. I hope the trip is OK, and would love to catch up with you when you return - I'll just watch your posts and try to set something up when you announce that you are back. i keep meaning to comment to tell you how I loved your fortune cookie piece, BTW.

9:18 PM, September 10, 2006  
Blogger paris parfait said...

Your post is lovely - am glad you and Jessie got to meet! Hope you have a safe journey - will be looking forward to your lovely prose upon your return. Keep writing! And that book truly resonated with me. Hope you enjoy it.

8:15 AM, September 11, 2006  

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