Moment of levity

Y'all, this made me CRY with laughter.

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So...

I haven't been on a whole lot lately. Not here and not on any blogs. I wish I had a reason, but...I just haven't wanted to be in the blog world. Things have been vaguely surreal since my early morning hospital visit (although we are all fine, and thank you so much for your kind words). 

I feel a logjam in my heart...a mass of something overwhelming and strange. And I can't seem to dislodge it. 

So I do the next best thing. I try and distract myself, listen to music, sing. Sometimes it even almost works.

What does it mean when you lose interest in almost everything you once loved? I find myself almost viscerally recoiling from books, from words. I practically cross the street when I see a bookstore. My library requests are being returned to the shelves, unread. Today was the first day I have done my morning pages in weeks. They were...not illuminating.

Perhaps it's just worry. TEG ended up extending his stay in India. By the time he gets home, we will have been apart almost a month.

Perhaps it's dislocation. Our lease is up here soon and we need to make a decision on where to move next. A decision we are finding most difficult to make. 

Perhaps it's hormones. I finally managed to wean the Madam.

As always, more questions than answers.

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Whoa

This week, I received the answer to three questions that have lurked in the back of my mind ever since I became a mother:

1) What if something ever happened to me while I was alone with Madam and she couldn't call 911?

2) How would Madam cope if we needed to go to the emergency room in the middle of the night?

3) If I ended up in the hospital, would I finally be able to get some rest?

The answers are:

1) My parents would call 911 from Miami when I didn't answer the phone and the police would rush over and pound on the door at around 1:15am, which I couldn't hear because I was apparently passed out in the bathroom.

2) Surprisingly well.

3) Alas, no.

Madam has been sick with a persistent stomach bug since Sunday night, and on Tuesday, I got hit with it, hard. My head spun, my stomach revolted. In misery, I called my mom to get sympathy and a possible homespun cure. But nothing worked, because nothing could stay down.

The worse part was that I couldn't even carry Madam, leading to much hysteria on her part (when I saw the police at the door, I thought someone had reported me for possible child abuse. That's how much she was crying.).

At some point I needed to vomit again, and after that the bathroom floor looked so inviting...

Next thing I know, the police are shouting "Minneapolis Police, open up!" and attempting to break the chain on my apartment door. It appears I had been out for about ten minutes. They took one look at swaying, pale me and recommended an ambulance.

Now, I was all ready to ride out this weird stomach thing, but I was frightened enough by this episode (My little Madam, alone! TEG, still in India!) that I finally agreed to go, after being assured that Madam would always be with me.

Madam was a complete trooper at this point, and not acting like the same furious child who had just spent the better part of an hour shrieking. "Get dressed, Mommy!" she said happily, clearly excited for an outing. I am still not sure how I managed it, but I got her fully dressed, prepared a snack, refilled her water bottle, and double checked her diapers and wipes. Must have been sheer force of habit.

The paramedic won her heart by allowing her to ride on the gurney with me. He even got her to sit in the ambulance car seat.

They put an IV in me and off we went. I was still a bit in and out, but very aware of Madam behind me, sitting quietly.

In the emergency room, they gave me another bag of fluids and some medicine (I guess I was dehydrated...can that happen so quickly?) and prepared a little bed for Madam. Who of course did not sleep (see question and answer #3). She was too keyed up by the new sights and sounds, saying "Baby cryin', Mommy. Happy, baby, happy!" whenever she heard an infant crying nearby. Somehow I managed to entertain her (with a lot of help from the new situation) while hooked up to monitors and the IV, and after a few hours, they allowed us to go home.

Madam was excited to ride in the taxi with the new balloon that one of the nurses gave her.

It was 5:00am.

I feel better, and more than a little foolish. I probably didn't need to go to the hospital, but I felt so ill at the time that I panicked.

My mom is here and other than a recurring headache and residual exhaustion, I don't think I suffered any ill effects.

But I'll be happy when TEG is home.

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